Top Three Audiences!!

Artists, writers, musicians, actors etc. are all open targets for scrutiny. The logic being that if you want to present your wares to the public, you also sign some invisible contract saying you are willing to be lambasted by anyone with an internet connection and is cocky enough to think they're opinion carries some sort of weight.

Now critics can be helpful. If they're good at what they do, they point us all in the right direction, leading us towards a good play or a good book--making sure your money is well spent. Or, alternatively, they help us avoid duds.

But our moods and how we allow ourselves to respond to the artistic material we are presented with can effect our opinions. ie. a headache, or a series of unfortunate events, can leave a CD smashed into a thousands little pieces against our steering wheel.

This is especially true in the context of a live concert. Musicians have noted time and time again that they 'feed off the audience,' and so if the audience has a collective headache, the band can only do so much. So with this in mind, and the desire to give all those hard working, hyper-sensitive (and that's why we love 'em) musicians a break I present to you my top three audiences. Time to turn the tables:

The Forty-Year-Old Women Audience:

They are the best. They haven't been out in far to long and considering the various responsibilities you collect every time you reach another decade, they won't be out again anytime soon. It took many a phone call to find a babysitter, and they're always twenty minutes late because they couldn't get away from work on time. Not to mention rush hour.

While you may find one or two hardcores at random shows about town, this audience will consolidate at arena extravaganzas put on by their favourite band from their twenties. Try Bryan Adams or Bon Jovi.

Having long since left high school, they don't care what anybody thinks. They are fully aware that they are here for a good time and not a long time. They are loud, cause they haven't been loud in years, but respectful, cause they are adults after all. And if you're lucky you can come along for the ride.

Punks:

This seems counter-intuitive. Punks are badasses right? Well yes, but they are also the most aware of just how much damage a good show can do. They've all lost shoes, broken glasses, sprained ankles or rearranged their facial structure on someone else's shoulder, so they are extra sensitive to their surroundings.

The point is to have fun and let a little anger out at the concert so it doesn't spew itself all over their boss, their significant other or any other random human being they encounter. Really it's therapy - like Oprah, only black is always the new black.

It all equals that, in general, when you attend your local punk show, you are far more likely to be treated with respect (then say at the nearest hair-pulling, nail gashing, teen-queen concert), that is, if you treat those around you with respect. As the punk adage goes "If someone falls down, you pick 'em back up!"

The All Ages Rock Concert:

If you can get over the fact you can't carry your bevy just anywhere, there are plenty-o-advantage at the all ages show.

First, avoidance. You don't have to deal with the guy who is just there to drink with his buddies. That guy doesn't even know the name of the band he paid thirty bucks to see, that guy won't even be paying attention 2/3 of the time and that guy is only looking for a 'socially excepted' excuse to act like a jackass. And that guy isn't coming if he can't get shit faced.

Second, height. Kids are short. You can see over top of their tiny little bodies. Enough said.

Third, joy. The more you attend concerts the more jaded you get. The next show you see has to be even bigger and better then the last or else you walk away disappointed. But to young'uns this is all new, exciting and spectacular. No parents, it's dark, lots of people everywhere - it's enough to send them into a tizzy even before the band takes the strange. And excitement is infectious. If the kids around you are having a blast, you are far more likely to drop the blah-attitude you adopted somewhere in between show number 47 and 48, and join in. Plus they are loud enough for both of you, so while they're ripping at their vocal cords trying to show their appreciation, you can slip back into the beer gardens and the band won't be the wiser.

That's it. The audiences that make a concert ticket worth paying for. So next time you go to a show and it seems like your favourite musicians are struggling, take a look around. It could be you've stumbled onto a lame crowd, not a lame band.

Coming Soon... Top Three Worst Audiences!